Why virtual meetings make us feel defeated and how small changes help us win.
Mastering the art of virtual meetings when Design is your second language (DSL).
Since then, I’ve recognized many more methods of using Design as a second language (DSL) and overcoming the challenges we face as multi-cultural, multi-faceted designers.
But when Covid-19 came along, it changed a lot about how (and where) we communicate and there’s no other way to put it — it’s been brutal.
“Video conference” as a new language.
During this pandemic, we’ve all had to quickly learn a new way to communicate: video conference. And while this communication method has been around for a while, people of all ages have never had to rely and depend on it daily.
I’ve noticed different levels of “VC” (video conferencing) skillsets in the workplace:
Level 1: Mute DJ — you turn “mute” on and off smoothly and use it wisely.
Level 2: Multi-Tasker — you looks like you’re paying attention while you are multi-tasking. With the right angle, lighting, and occasional head nods, inbox checking and giphy surfing goes unnoticed and you still look like you are 98% tuned in.
Level 3: The Responder — you’re able to find the right moments to interject and not overlap with each other’s voices; also able to quickly overcome the awkward silence that comes when there is an overlap.
Level 4: The Closer — you confidently acknowledge and are not affected by empty stares as the normal form of feedback and able to nicely encourage and call out others for additional explanation.
Level 5: The Master — Level 4 + you effortlessly find appropriate Zoom call backgrounds for meetings. (Zoom call backgrounds are basically our fashion equivalent nowadays. That background from “the Office”? It’s so in right now!)
Unfortunately, as DSL, we don’t get to flex all of our language skillsets when it comes to video conference.
But thank God that learning how to video conference (VC) has been a nationwide thing, which makes it just a bit easier to give each other a break when it comes to learning this new language. It’s really nice to see how we are all sharing tips and supporting each other during this time.
However, for those who are DSL (Design as a second language), there are additional pain points that have made this extra challenging. Video conferencing requires specific communication skills which focus on effective 2D-transactional communication, (yes, technically it’s not 2D, but if you are staring at someone’s face 90% of the time, it might as well be 2D).
This limits our chances of flexing other aspects of language skills that we’ve developed as DSL. Many of our super powers that we’ve sharpened to transition from ESL to DSL are unable to shine through during this time, and this is probably why we miss in-person communications so much.
1. We can’t speak with our whole body on VC
Getty images
We don’t just use our mouth to communicate, we use our whole body to communicate. It’s how you stand, how you look at someone, how you gesture and how we use our face to listen and respond, and as DSL, we’ve carefully trained and mastered speaking with our entire body.
Talking with our body gives us more control in how we are communicating even though we might have an accent or might not pronounce things perfectly. We set a conversation tone with our body language. Is this something that’s funny and light? Or something that’s serious that we have to focus? Until the pandemic, I didn’t appreciate how much body language I had mastered as DSL and how much I used it and now, cherish it.
It has been suggested that body language constitutes more than 60% of what we communicate, so learning to read the non-verbal cues people send is a valuable skill. From eye behavior to the direction in which a person points his or her feet, body language reveals what a person is really thinking.
Body language adds dimension to a conversation. Here are some of the reads I miss sensing through body language: charisma, attention span, passion, gravitas, how endearing they are, their genuineness, etc.
You subconsciously would copy someone’s body language, if you were in agreement or attracted to them. You would shift your whole body towards someone when you wanted to engage or lean-in. You were able to tell if someone was not feeling you when you saw them standing there with their arms crossed. Now, we deal with screens full of flat faces and it’s almost impossible to read body language!
In addition, body language also gave us an opportunity to showcase a glimpse of who we are and our culture. Whether a “yes” with a high-five, a coy little smile, a full salsa dance turn or a blank nod, it was a form of expression that we chose as part of who we are. These gestures added to our uniqueness, how we communicate with one another, a chance to bond and showcase our background and character.
So, how can we substitute the lack of body language in our conversation?
1.Get a standing desk and stand back a little.
Don’t lock your body into a position of your computer camera, let your computer camera work for you. Give your body a chance to speak, a chance to move around when you feel it, not just your mouth. This might mean you have to wear real pants, but trust me, your hands want to be a part of the conversation and you will feel a lot more empowered as you will be able to unlock some of your great DSL skills.
2. Ask others to show their agreements or disagreements through gestures.
This is a huge bonding experience. It could be as simple as “put your thumbs up if you agree”. Open up your VC world to more than just “face time”. How hard are you disagreeing with somebody? While you can’t do your normal crossed arm stance, (and while I’m not a huge fan of “crossed arms”), you can still cross your arms if you want to.
3. Turn off your VC resting face.
Do you remember when having a conversation with someone meant that you just look at the person you’re talking to rather than seeing yourself at the same time? I never really knew what my “resting face” looked like until this pandemic hit. Looking at yourself talk, smile, or making gestures can be an incredible learning experience, but also a devastating distraction while you are communicating, especially for DSL.
It’s like a double hit as you try really hard to pronounce, let’s say “concierge”, and also see your doubtful face saying the word and failing to say it gracefully. Seriously, is that what I look like when I say “concierge”? That’s not how it sounded in my head at all. Don’t be so hard on yourself and minimize your selfie cam (or resize your window so your own face is not shown).
2. We can’t flex our EQ (Emotional intelligence) very well
A simple definition of emotional intelligence (also called the Emotional Quotient, or EQ) describes an ability to monitor your own emotions as well as the emotions of others, to distinguish between and label different emotions correctly, and to use emotional information to guide your thinking and behavior and influence that of others (Goleman, 1995; Mayer & Salovey, 1990).
According to the EQ “founding fathers” Salovey and Mayer, there are four distinct dimensions or branches of emotional intelligence that form a hierarchy of emotional skills and abilities:
- Perceiving emotion
- Using emotions to facilitate thought
- Understanding emotions
- Managing emotions
Now that our conversations are often slotted into 30–60 mins calls, it’s very challenging to form the hierarchy or emotional skills and abilities. For example, before the pandemic, if a meeting doesn’t go as planned, it’s not during that troubling 1 hour meeting that you flex most of your EQ. Instead, it’s after the meeting that you really use your EQ to address the situation.
It was rather easy to see during that in-person meeting who was with you, who was not sure, and who was against it. You would make a plan and have a second meeting with these different groups of people to figure out the next steps. If there was someone that needed a bit of extra work to convince and align, we would be able to bring more emphasis to this particular person by catching them on a walk, grabbing a coffee, a lunch or a fancy dinner even. We were the gentle human whisperers or at least training to become a great one.
Now, it’s pretty much impossible to see who’s with you or against you by looking at a grid of 10 or more people, not to mention while you are presenting, you might not even get to see their faces! You are essentially presenting to a wall; you don’t hear them, you don’t get to see their faces, and you’re literally cut off at the knees when it comes to flexing your EQ muscles.
So how can you use your emotional intelligence when you don’t get to sense any emotions back?
1.Use emoji and gifs as much as possible.
We are all visual people, and especially as DSL, we are super drawn to images. In this day and age, we can all high-five in our own skin color virtually when we need to. Saying “umm…” can be interpreted in so many different ways. Which emoji best describes the “umm…” that you’re feeling right now? 😒😨😳😬😑😅🧐🤨😟. I can go on and on with the choice of emojis. Don’t let others guess what you are trying to express. Let’s try to make it easier for one another because after all, we’ve only got 15 mins left of this meeting before we have to jump to another.
2. Write more.
Writing can be really scary to the majority of us. Especially as DSL, I struggle with this a lot. When you sit down and start writing, there are so many second guesses that bring you down. “Wait, is this spelled correctly? What was that word again? How do I say this in English? Is it ‘on’ or ‘in’? Does the punctuation go inside or outside?” Believe me! I’m in the same boat.
But we HAVE TO PRACTICE this skill. No matter how scary it is. Start by writing on your team chats. If you don’t know what to write, as I mentioned in #1, there are always emojis and gazillions of wonderful gifs out there that can be a lifesaver. I promise you, someone will respond with another emoji and that’s how you can begin to bond emotionally during this time.
3. Continue to use and practice empathy.
At the place I work, we have “Thank you Fridays” where we are encouraged to write #thanks to someone. I really enjoy this part of my week. I get to send #thanks to everyone that I interacted with that made an impact in my week (small or big). A life lesson I was taught was giving thanks doesn’t cost a thing and if I can make someone feel special, even for a moment…sign me up please.
Giving thanks is not only good for making someone feel special, but also a great chance for you to reflect. If you don’t feel like you have anyone to thank this week? That might be on you. That means you might not have interacted or connected with enough people this week and missed out on your opportunity to use your EQ. Start thanking others and you’ll end up thanking yourself.
Who knew video conferencing requires so many more different skillsets than good ol’ regular conversations?
I certainly didn’t know it until I started feeling the pain. And for a while, I didn’t know why I was feeling like I was not in control anymore. I felt like I was learning to speak all over again. I felt like my lack of English skill was heightened — “Did I forget how to speak English? What happened to me”.
After a bit of reflecting and digesting, I realized it was because I had just been speaking with my mouth and I had always used my DSL super powers and communicated with my whole body, brain and mind.
All of us who speak English as second language, probably have different degrees of these DSL super powers I’ve mentioned. Let’s recognize how truly amazing that is. You are not alone in feeling like you are stuck and can’t express all your thoughts.
We just need to adapt and find other ways to use our super powers again. Adaptability is our second name and one of our most well known super powers. You already learned an entirely new language and now you are flourishing in a whole new country. So video conferencing? You got this 🙌.
